A Voice on the Wind
by Butterbuns
Summary: Two people have a kid, one of them dies, this is the aftermath when the kid turns 18. now complete at three chapters
1. Natalie

**Disclaimer: **If they were mine there'd be a lot more Garret/Renee make out scenes, trust me on that one kids.

**A/N: **Yeah, yeah, it's kinda hokey, it came to me in a dream, and this is the end result. But if I want to be honest, the first and third chapters are simply to have a reason for the second.

* * *

Natalie Macy knocked on the doorframe of her dad's office.

"Hey Dad, what's up? Eric told me his mom told him to tell me to come see you after school."

Garret Macy, while taking off his glasses looked up at his eighteen-year-old daughter, realizing how much she looked like her mother.

"I figured telling Jordan would be easier than trying to track you down on campus." He stood up and motioned her into his office, before shutting the door behind him.

Nat just looked at him. "Are you okay? You're acting kind of funny..." She said, with a twist of her lips as she crossed her ankles, sitting down on the couch that'd been in his office for years.

"I'm fine."

She watched him pick up an envelope on his desk, and tap it against two of his fingers.

"Dad...what is it? You're starting to freak me out."

He sighed, knowing he had to do this, but half not wanting to, afraid of what the letter would contain.

"You know your mom died when you were eight months old, but she wrote a letter to you, and told me to give it to you when you turned eighteen. I know you've been eighteen for a few months now, but it was in that box of old letters and photos we sort of lost when we moved. I found it last night, and the letter was right on top." Garret leaned forward and handed it to her. "She made me promise never to read it, until you let me, and I kept my promise, so I have no clue what she wrote."

Natalie held the letter between two fingers. "Why eighteen? Why not when I **needed** to know why **I** was the only kid in my class who on Mother's Day who didn't have a mom to give a gift to? It's not important anymore Dad, I don't care."

She dropped the letter on the table, berating herself for using sarcasm and anger as a weapon again.

"God Nat, are you trying to be as stubborn as she was? Read the letter." He shook his head. "I remember when she was writing it. She was trying to hard not to cry. She loved you, so much more than you'll ever know."

"Right. Because she wasn't **there** when I needed her." She stood up. "Was this all you wanted me for?"

"Natalie Claire Macy. Take the letter." He said, standing as well.

"Fine." She snapped as she picked it up, "But don't expect me to actually read it."

"It's your choice." He shook his head. "Tell Eric I hope his dad feels better soon. I need Nigel back at work."

"Okay." She said softly, before leaving.

* * *

By the time she was halfway home, she'd already put the letter in the glove compartment, because she kept looking at it.

_Maybe I should read it, I mean, I've never had anything even remotely like this but..._

Natalie's thought's trailed off as she made up her mind, before she reached over at a red light and picked up her cell phone, dialing her boyfriend, Eric Townsend's phone number. She chewed her lip in the same nervous fashion her mother had as she waiting for him to pick up.

"Eric," She sighed when he did, "Can you meet me at the house? I need to see you."

"**_Sure." _**Came his voice through the phone, sounding tinny, **_"I can be there in about fifteen minutes."_**

"Thanks baby," She said as she hung up, before heading home.

She got to the house at almost the same moment as he did, and smiled softly when he right away pulled her into a kiss.

"My mom wrote me a letter." Natalie said softly, after they'd gone inside and gotten comfortable.

Eric looked at her and raised an eyebrow slightly. "I though your mom was...dead?"

"She is doofus." He got a pointed look. "She wrote it before she died and told my dad not to read it, and to give it to me when I was eighteen, and I don't know if I want to read it."

"She is your mom...wouldn't you at least like to know what she thought of you? Even if you've never met her? Because you've never met her?"

"That's why I called you, Eric. If I'm gonna read it, I need someone here with me, because I have no idea what's in here. At all, and I'm a little worried about it if I want to be honest. I'm scared to know what she was thinking about before she died. I'm afraid of what she thought of me."

"Nat..." The black haired boy whispered, gazing into her frosty blue orbs. "Just read it, and you'll know."

"Okay." She nodded, carefully opening the envelope.


	2. The Letter

_Dear Natalie,_

_I asked your dad to give this to you when you turned 18, because I didn't think you'd be mature enough at a younger age, and if you were, well, then you're more like me than I could ever have hoped._

_I'm sitting on the bed with your dad, watching you sleep as I write this. The doctors told me I've not got a lot of time left, and I know you probably don't remember me. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to see you grow up. You're my everything baby, and I would have given anything to be able to see you become the woman you are today. I love you. So much. You're my little miracle. _

_I know that there either was, or will be a time in your life when you hate me for not being there._ Here there were teardrops she'd been unable to hold back. _But whether you believe it or not, I'll be watching you. I'll always be there for you, at least in some form or another._

_I pray every day for the strength to be able to let go when the time comes, but I know that no matter how many times I do, or what promises I make, it's going to be so hard. I never meant to leave you without a mom growing up, and if you had one because your dad met someone else, tell him I'm happy for him, and I'm not saying that sarcastically. He deserves to be happy after some of the hell he's been through._

_You're six months old now, still way too young to be left with only one parent. I know it's so unfair to you. And I hate that just because I got cancer you, and your dad, had to suffer. Believe me, the farthest thought from my mind when I found out I was pregnant, was not being around to see you grow up. I hope you were happy, I really do._

_When I pray for the strength to let go, I always pray too, that you never resent me. This wasn't my choice, and if I'd had one, I'd be there with you now in person, instead of just in memory and writing._

_I love you so much baby, I always will._

_Give your dad a hug from me, please?_

_Love,_

_Mom_

_P.S. Your dad's never seen this, and if he has he went against my direct wishes, but this last paragraph is for him._

_Garret, honey, I love you, so much. I feel so bad about leaving you with another daughter, this one who you have to raise on your own. My worst nightmares were never even close to this. I'm going to miss you, so much, sweetie. Believe me, if there was anything I could do to stay, you know I would have. Even if I had to bitch at every person in the world, I'd have done it, even just for another single minute with you. You're trying to keep Nat from screaming now, and I'm fighting so hard not to break down and cry. You two look so cute together, and I hope you stay together. I don't know what your relationship with Abby is now, but I do hope it's better than it used to be and that your relationship with **our** daughter is never like that. I hope you're happy, I really do. Your happiness is the only thing that ever matter to me and I hope you know that. I know some people used to think my job was more important to me but they're wrong. Nothing was more important to me than you, and then you and Natalie were. I promise._

_If you've read this before she showed if to you, you can bet your ass (Your sweet piece of ass) that I'll come back from the grave just to yell at you. And you know me. You know I could do it._

_Love,_

_Renee_


	3. Moving On

This is the last chapter, and it went a little ranty from where I was trying to get it, but nonetheless I think it ended up in a nice place.

Alison: My sounding board. You are one of my best friends, I swear, and this would never have been posted if you hadn't told me you thought it was any good.

Chrysti: -Pats- I didn't mean to make you cry hun...hell, didn't mean to make anyone cry, but I guess when you're writing it and crying...

Nyos: I know you wanted Nigel in this, but it was just supposed to be a short fic about what would happen if Renee and Garret had a daughter and then Renee died, but I'll throw in some Nigel in my other fic for yah.

Itsonlyme: I had to add **some** humor in for a chapter that angsty.

* * *

Looking up from the letter with tears in her eyes, Natalie collapsed into Eric, fighting sobs.

"That bad baby?" he smiled, only to wince slightly when she punched his arm.

"Shut up! It's not funny!" She showed him the letter. "Read it. How the hell would you react?"

After reading it he looked up, putting it on the coffee table before pulling her into a tight hug.

"I don't know what to do." She whispered, sounding choked up. "She's my mom but...I hate her, and I hate that I hate her, but I do."

She could feel his hand stroking her hair and found comfort in it, knowing he'd always be there for her. Natalie curled into him slightly, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"I-I should go talk to dad."

"Want me to drive you?" He asked softly.

"Yeah. I don't think I could drive myself right now."

"Okay."

Half an hour later he pulled up in front of the Commonwealth and let her out. "Call me when you want me to pick you up?"

"I think I'll just stick around till Dad goes home, but I'll see you in psych tomorrow?"

"Yeah, okay. Bye baby."

"Bye." She shut the door and went into the building.

* * *

"Dad?" She spoke softly, as she knocked on his door.

Garret sat up with a start. "Hey. What it is honey?"

"I read it." She said with a small smile, walking into his office. "What's up with you? You looked all deep in thought."

He blinked hard. "I was just thinking about your mom." He shook his head slightly. "I loved that woman till the day she died. And I still do. It's really too bad you don't remember her. But anyway, what did you need?"

"She wrote something to you at the end. Figured I should show you." She chewed her lip and handed him the letter.

He took it from his daughter's outstretched hand and opened it, reading the last paragraph, feeling tears in his eyes and holding them back.

"That last sentence is so undeniably her." He smiled, remembering the good times they'd shared. "God I miss her."

"At least you got to know her for a while Dad. All I got was the letter."

"But at least you didn't have to see the pain she was in at the end Nat. It was so hard to watch. You know, I was almost happy when she finally died? Just because she was out of the pain she'd been in for so long. I didn't know how I was going to survive without her honey. The only thing that kept me going at the time was you."

"You have NO idea how hard it was Dad. Not knowing anything about her. I mean, you'd never talk about her. No one else had anything good to say about her."

"It's hard, so hard, for me to talk about her. When she died, it was like my world had dropped out from under me."

"And what? Every time you saw me it made you think of her? Is that why you were so damn distant? I mean, I never really had a mother, and you can barely say I had a father."

"Natalie!"

"What? It's true. You were hardly ever around. Just like with Abby."

"Natalie Claire!"

"Stop it! Stop saying my name! Talk to me goddammit! I wanna know what she was like, I always have! Would you fucking tell me!?"

He stood up. "Natalie Claire Macy! Watch your mouth!"

"TELL ME."

He sighed. "Sit." He waited until she complied before sitting back down. "First of all, do you know why I never remarried?"

"Because you couldn't find anyone to love someone as prickly as you?"

"No Natalie. Because I love your mother so much. I couldn't bear the thought of ever being with another woman"

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"Tell me what she was like. Please."

"I'm getting there."

"Then get there faster."

He sighed, leaning back in his chair, running one hand over his head before he started talking.

"Your mother was...the most amazing woman I've ever met. Strong willed and a bitch too, but she was also the sweetest person I've ever known. I mean, when it was just her and I, she was so different from when she was in court, and hell, in public. She was so cold, but at home changed." Garret sniffed softly, trying not to break down. "And she was beautiful. So beautiful. I still hear her laugh like she's here. I mean, I know that sounds weird, but I do. You look just like her you know, except for your nose. That was all me."

She just sat there, watching him, listening to him describe Renee Walcott, her mother.

"And...God, I loved her. So much more than I thought I could ever love anyone after Maggie left me. I was the first one to accept her as she was, or so she said." He had to close his eyes for a moment, all the memories of the two of them flooding back, happy moments, and painful as all hell-kill me now moments. He remembered their first kiss, the first time they made love, their first date (Which came after the other two) and everything since then.

"Dad?" The eighteen year olds voice broke through his thoughts. "You still here?"

He opened his eyes again and looked at her, before pulling out the picture of his wife from under a file, having been looking at it after she left.

"Yeah. I'm still here. Just...thinking about all the things that happened between her and I." He sighed and got up, walking over to the couch and sitting beside her, smiling softly as she leaned into him.

"You miss her?"

"Yeah." He sniffed again. "Every day. Every single day. Hell, not a minute goes by when I don't think about her. So you wanna know why I was always so distant? Because you look more and more like her as grow up, and it always reminds me of how much I love her, and how much I miss her. And I always will. I mean, I know that there's no way I'll ever be over her...but...I think it's time for me to move on. Especially now that I've given you the letter, and read it myself. What do you think?"

"Yeah. Me too. But..." She dissolved into tears again. "I miss her Daddy."

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "I know." It was when he was sitting there holding her that he finally allowed his tears to flow, tears he'd been holding in for almost eighteen years.

_**Renee watched them with a smile, happy that he'd said that it was time for him to move on. Like she'd said in the letter, she'd watched them. Every day since she'd died, and she knew it was time to stop, time to move on herself. She just wished he'd been able to say it sooner, and maybe remarry (again) but she knew it was too hard.**_

_**But she'd watched, seen every milestone, and helped them anyway she could when they needed the help. But it had to end. She knew now that she was just a voice on the wind.**_

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**This is actually my first completed fic, and I'd have to say I've done a pretty good job...but let me know what you think by using that little purple button down there, okay?**


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